Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
