Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
