ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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