if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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