I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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