Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
