Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
