I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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