a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
