i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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