she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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