Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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