What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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