please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
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And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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