I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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