A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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