if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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