so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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