Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
