yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
