he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
