Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
