Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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