Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
