You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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