I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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