tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
