I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He better not be in your backpack
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
