were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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