omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
