Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
