i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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