Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
