Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
