My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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