im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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