I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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