how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i think i just lost a toe
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
