I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Shame - the story of my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
