I'm going to jail i love you
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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