Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
