One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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