I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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