Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
