I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Randomize
