Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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