hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know her cup size but not her name....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
