So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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