dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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