Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
