I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
