How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
