it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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