I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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