I want to make a zoo with you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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