I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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