You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
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She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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