did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
