I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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