tell your sister to shave her snatch
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
