we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's like a pop up book from hell.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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