glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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