I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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