Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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