I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This house was built for laser tag.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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