My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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