i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
