dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I skipped work to stalk him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
