You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
