I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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