she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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