my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
