"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
