That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
