I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Success! We fucked roommates!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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